Sunday, March 14, 2004
Bleah, whine, and grr, in that order
Granted, I haven't felt as icky as someone on chemo is supposed to, this past few weeks has not been a cakewalk. Angst over my follicular woes (where did the eyelashes under my right eye go? And how much scalp has to be visible before I can bring myself to wear a hat indoors?) and some rather unpleasant digestive issue aside, last week was quite awful.
I've been using the Zofran the nurse prescribed for me more than I thought I'd need to. I'm not entirely sure I've had to use it because I actually felt bad. It may be that fear of feeling bad is the culprit. Last Thursday I had to go to sleep at 5:30 in the evening because I couldn't stand to worry about feeling queasy anymore. I suffer sinus pain often, and it reminds me of the sinus discomfort I feel when the chemo drugs get pumped into my system. Friday I had a terrible sinus headache, and was unable to do much more than drive home after my appointment (blood tests...all my levels are just peachy), narrowly avoiding an excursion to a local church's lenten fish-fry (sorry, Mom), and going to sleep.
All day yesterday I knitted a hat, watched Babylon 5, and seethed with anger. Why is this happening to me? Why me, in particular? And why in such a measley way? I mean, my suffering is trivial and unworthy of a movie-of-the-week, so why does fate even bother? Why can't it go make somebody else feel vaguely crappy for a while? And exactly how much hair can the human head continue to spew without being a health hazard for other people? Why couldn't my leg hair get thinner instead? Am I really nauseous, or is it the sinuses again? How soon after the treatments are over will I go back to feeling normal? When can I stop being crabby? I'm a cheerful person by nature, dammit.
I've been using the Zofran the nurse prescribed for me more than I thought I'd need to. I'm not entirely sure I've had to use it because I actually felt bad. It may be that fear of feeling bad is the culprit. Last Thursday I had to go to sleep at 5:30 in the evening because I couldn't stand to worry about feeling queasy anymore. I suffer sinus pain often, and it reminds me of the sinus discomfort I feel when the chemo drugs get pumped into my system. Friday I had a terrible sinus headache, and was unable to do much more than drive home after my appointment (blood tests...all my levels are just peachy), narrowly avoiding an excursion to a local church's lenten fish-fry (sorry, Mom), and going to sleep.
All day yesterday I knitted a hat, watched Babylon 5, and seethed with anger. Why is this happening to me? Why me, in particular? And why in such a measley way? I mean, my suffering is trivial and unworthy of a movie-of-the-week, so why does fate even bother? Why can't it go make somebody else feel vaguely crappy for a while? And exactly how much hair can the human head continue to spew without being a health hazard for other people? Why couldn't my leg hair get thinner instead? Am I really nauseous, or is it the sinuses again? How soon after the treatments are over will I go back to feeling normal? When can I stop being crabby? I'm a cheerful person by nature, dammit.
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