Thursday, July 26, 2007
I got Meeboed! And I missed it...Plus, an Update
To the person who Meeboed Me at 11:02 today, Hi! I'm sorry I was actually away from the computer and forgot to select "away" from among the Meebo options. I missed you by about 15 minutes.
To answer your question, no I am not currently in remission. I have blobby tumors in my liver for which I regularly receive Abraxane and Avastin. I am doing reasonably well, however. A year and a half ago I couldn't walk and felt sick all the time. Now (aside from baldness, gross fingernails, and an unrelated issue of the rear endal area) I feel pretty good and am not afraid that my bones will snap like so many dried twigs.
I am also able to receive offline Meebo messages; feel free to leave me a message (like Grace did--Hi Grace! I was very glad to hear from you. I hope things are going very well). Let me know who you are, too.
Rear Endal Update
I spent yesterday at the Emergency Room on the advice of my general practitioner, who consulted with the specialist at her office who suggested he wouldn't be able to do an internal exam either without causing pain and distress.
The night before, I took a very strong pain medication which resulted in my feeling sick that night and the next day. I was revisited by breakfast, and when we showed up at the ER, I had to ask Brian to get me one of the familiar pink bins immediately. I had difficulty explaining to the people at the reception area that I was not there because of nausea and vomiting: "I have--BLLLAAAAAAAARRRRRRKKKKKKKK--a fissure, or--GUUURRRRK--hemorrhoid or--URP--something..."
They were very concerned about the nausea and gave me Zofran. Then, after answering repeated questions about what I felt my symptoms were, I had external exams performed both by the ER doctor and the consulting surgeons. The first located what is likely the cause of my pain, thought it might be a fistula, and squooshed it. Then the surgeon located it, noted a fissure and that there was nothing to squoosh: "See that crater?"
The surgical team concluded that there was nothing warranting surgery at this time, and the lead surgeon pointed out that any surgical procedure they could do would have a high likelihood of some unfortunate consequences. I am reminded of the following from Monty Python's Life of Brian:
I can't say I'm sorry to have avoided surgery, but the medical professionals were not able to provide me with any relief for my...issue.
"Use a Sitz bath." Great. I don't personally object to sitting my butt in a bath of warm water, but I'm not convinced this will help relieve my discomfort when water stings.
They also gave me a cream which is a vasodialator and is apparently made of hot sauce. I have used it once and do not plan to do so again.
I have concluded that the solution to what ails me is to simply never poop again. I find this a highly logical and practical thing and will put it into effect immediately. I am not joking about this.
To answer your question, no I am not currently in remission. I have blobby tumors in my liver for which I regularly receive Abraxane and Avastin. I am doing reasonably well, however. A year and a half ago I couldn't walk and felt sick all the time. Now (aside from baldness, gross fingernails, and an unrelated issue of the rear endal area) I feel pretty good and am not afraid that my bones will snap like so many dried twigs.
I am also able to receive offline Meebo messages; feel free to leave me a message (like Grace did--Hi Grace! I was very glad to hear from you. I hope things are going very well). Let me know who you are, too.
Rear Endal Update
I spent yesterday at the Emergency Room on the advice of my general practitioner, who consulted with the specialist at her office who suggested he wouldn't be able to do an internal exam either without causing pain and distress.
The night before, I took a very strong pain medication which resulted in my feeling sick that night and the next day. I was revisited by breakfast, and when we showed up at the ER, I had to ask Brian to get me one of the familiar pink bins immediately. I had difficulty explaining to the people at the reception area that I was not there because of nausea and vomiting: "I have--BLLLAAAAAAAARRRRRRKKKKKKKK--a fissure, or--GUUURRRRK--hemorrhoid or--URP--something..."
They were very concerned about the nausea and gave me Zofran. Then, after answering repeated questions about what I felt my symptoms were, I had external exams performed both by the ER doctor and the consulting surgeons. The first located what is likely the cause of my pain, thought it might be a fistula, and squooshed it. Then the surgeon located it, noted a fissure and that there was nothing to squoosh: "See that crater?"
The surgical team concluded that there was nothing warranting surgery at this time, and the lead surgeon pointed out that any surgical procedure they could do would have a high likelihood of some unfortunate consequences. I am reminded of the following from Monty Python's Life of Brian:
Pontius Pilate: He has a wife, you know. You know what she's called? She's called... 'Incontinentia'... Incontinentia Buttocks
Pontius Pilate: [Guards are laughing] Stop! What is all this?
Pontius Pilate: [Laughing continues] I've had enough of this wowdy webel sniggewing behaviour. Silence! Call yourselves Pwaetowian guards?.
I can't say I'm sorry to have avoided surgery, but the medical professionals were not able to provide me with any relief for my...issue.
"Use a Sitz bath." Great. I don't personally object to sitting my butt in a bath of warm water, but I'm not convinced this will help relieve my discomfort when water stings.
They also gave me a cream which is a vasodialator and is apparently made of hot sauce. I have used it once and do not plan to do so again.
I have concluded that the solution to what ails me is to simply never poop again. I find this a highly logical and practical thing and will put it into effect immediately. I am not joking about this.
Labels: Brian, fissure, hemorrhoids, hospital, Meebo, nausea
Monday, July 23, 2007
Pain in the Butt
Stop reading right now if you are squeamish.
No really; I mean it.
Among all the other things I have to deal with as a perpetual patient (the appointments, the scans, the procedures, the nasty medications, the fingernail issues, the baldness, the skin problems, the indigestion, the nosebleeds--not to mention the ire of coworkers as I burn through sick time and miss work), I now have to deal with the indignity of not being able to sit.
I am not talking about mild discomfort that can occur as described by commercials for Tucks medicated wipes; this is not "itching and burning." It is agonizing pain, fear of having to have a bowel movement, becoming light-headed and faint in the bathroom, and having trouble walking. Over the counter remedies are not helping. Preparation H hasn't helped; using suppositories feels like I'm stuffing broken crayons into my bum, which then hurts; anything with witch hazel burns like a mofo (that's short for "motherfucker," in case you don't know); the Fleets pads Brian bought me help very slightly on the external areas but do nothing for the internal agony.
I scheduled an appointment to see the doctor today (which certainly didn't help me over the weekend) and am terrified to go--what kind of procedure will she do to verify that I'm in pain? How badly is it going to hurt?
Also, I have a CT scan scheduled for tomorrow and am terrified of what it will be like when the barium decides to leave my body all at once. I called and left a message for Lita: can the scan be rescheduled? Do I really have to do it tomorrow?
It isn't enough that I have to suffer from one of the scariest diseases on the planet (I have to say I actually think ebola is more frightening, but I digress), but now I have to deal with one of the most humiliating conditions as well.
No really; I mean it.
Among all the other things I have to deal with as a perpetual patient (the appointments, the scans, the procedures, the nasty medications, the fingernail issues, the baldness, the skin problems, the indigestion, the nosebleeds--not to mention the ire of coworkers as I burn through sick time and miss work), I now have to deal with the indignity of not being able to sit.
I am not talking about mild discomfort that can occur as described by commercials for Tucks medicated wipes; this is not "itching and burning." It is agonizing pain, fear of having to have a bowel movement, becoming light-headed and faint in the bathroom, and having trouble walking. Over the counter remedies are not helping. Preparation H hasn't helped; using suppositories feels like I'm stuffing broken crayons into my bum, which then hurts; anything with witch hazel burns like a mofo (that's short for "motherfucker," in case you don't know); the Fleets pads Brian bought me help very slightly on the external areas but do nothing for the internal agony.
I scheduled an appointment to see the doctor today (which certainly didn't help me over the weekend) and am terrified to go--what kind of procedure will she do to verify that I'm in pain? How badly is it going to hurt?
Also, I have a CT scan scheduled for tomorrow and am terrified of what it will be like when the barium decides to leave my body all at once. I called and left a message for Lita: can the scan be rescheduled? Do I really have to do it tomorrow?
It isn't enough that I have to suffer from one of the scariest diseases on the planet (I have to say I actually think ebola is more frightening, but I digress), but now I have to deal with one of the most humiliating conditions as well.
Labels: Brian, hemorrhoids, Lita
